Often times when speaking about human evolution and how our species have developed and evolved so much, we think of curiosity, innovation, and brains. However, one of the most underrated and unspoken traits of humans that have helped us become the unstoppable kings of this planet is our powerful instincts.
In terms of dating, instincts play a huge role in what we feel but also what we behave like and the decisions we make. An indicator of interest is the term that refers to any verbal or non-verbal showcase of interest, and it’s how both males and females communicate their interest. Humans rely on indicators of interest in order to know when things are going well or not. The problem is that these indicators are often times misunderstood which results in a lot of miscommunication in interactions. Indicators of interest are one of the most basic elements of social interaction dynamics.
Understanding IOIs can be your guide to knowing what to do when you open a set, it can tell you how you should react, behave, and how interested the person you are talking to is in you. This will also tell you which phase you are in the interaction.
There are two stages of understanding indicators of interest. First, it’s identifying real IOI’s when they are given off from value being shared. Second, but surely to not be overlooked, is when false IOI’s are given for agenda based reasons.
IOIs are powerful in the sense that you can literally tell the truth about how someone feels about the other, without them even saying a word, understanding IOIs will give you the ability to tell if someone is into another and when someone is into you. With powerful advanced IOI understanding, you can even tell if the guy with the girl is her boyfriend, a friend-zoned guy that is trying to hit on her or just friend and to what extent. How you see things changes and you simply understand communication in more detail.
It’s important to realize that since IOIs are so powerful, they can also be used against you. Your ability to gauge interest can be severely skewed from the improper interpretation of IOI’s and not being able to decipher genuine indicators from false ones. Women who are often hired for their beauty or “hired guns” such as bartenders, dancers, and waitresses give guys false IOIs in order to stimulate the male reptilian brain in exchange for the possibility of gain for her in one way or another.
You must be aware that if a girl gives you IOIs, it does not necessarily mean that she sees you as high value or that she is attracted to you, it could mean that she is using IOIs to manipulate you to get her drinks, give her attention, and any other form of tooling that can happen.
This is exactly what you see in nightclubs, desperate guys having no understanding of how human attraction works, they launch themselves into a girl, assuming it goes “well” they find themselves serving her for the night just to keep her attention.
To understand and utilize IOIs, you have to understand that they are an exchangeable showcase of interest. Ideally, never girl the girl an IOI, in the form of a compliment or observation until it’s deserved and never return an IOI with an IOI of your own without rolling off or showing the willingness to walk away.
How many times have you seen the girl say “You’re very charming” and the guy immediately replying with “thank you, you are really cool yourself”. In that case, the guy has just made the girl lose interest in him for just answering with a compliment. It comes off as if you are saying it because something was said to you, even if you do really think and feel what you said. High-value men get compliments all day, so never be the guy that returns compliments immediately, use your IOIs sparingly.
One thing to emphasize about IOIs is that if you get an IOI, it does not mean that it’s an indicator of interest, but the way you should think of it is, an IOI is simply that, interest. It is not in any way, shape or form, attraction. So when you get an IOI, don’t think of it as the girl is falling head over heels, think “time to convey more personality and build real attraction”.
Keep in mind that IOIs go both ways, which means you can also give them without being aware of it. And this is when it becomes problematic, guys keep giving off IOIs, this shows you are desperate, needy and not accustomed to women of beauty. As a matter of fact, due to the long history of their non-pick up experience and also even your favorite PUA guru, guys naturally give off IOIs, sometimes even subtly, but obviously, it can still be felt. Some guys tell girls everything they need to know to say “no thank you” when you approach without you even saying a word.
Like everything else, understanding interest is not innate and is something one must master. It’s more about how and when you use them. For instance, beginners make the mistake of talking too fast, talking low, stuttering, and looking nervous. No matter how much game you know, if you make these mistakes and still apply good social skills and material, it’s going to feel weird and unnatural and the high-value women will turn away. So make sure that you train yourself to speak slower, speak loud and also clear. This will play out instantly and later on since they will perceive you as a high-value male.
Girls communicate mostly with IOI’s when they are into you. Most IOIs that girls give are actually subconscious, often times when a girl is interested in someone, her body would be pointed towards that person, her feet point to that person even though there are other people in the group. These are body language cues you need to pay attention to when you are a beginner, but once you are advanced, seeing IOIs will become natural and you internalize them and behave. You’ll process instead of notice. A touch on the arm, playing with her hair and checking how she looks like in her phone are all things that will lead your interaction forward.
Subconscious IOI’s or non-verbal IOIs include tossing her hair, genuine smile with eye contact, and if she looks at you when you are in a group.
In addition to when:
• She stands close to your space in proximity to you
• She brushed your body with her arm or body when she is walking by
• She touches your arm constantly
• She plays with her hair and neck when talking or looking at you
• She makes continuous accidental and incidental touches
• She looks at you first when she says or does something
• She follows where you are going or stays waiting for you
• She leans on you
• She keeps playing with your outfit
• She touches your beard or face
• She makes you look at her
• She is playful physically and punches your arm
These IOIs are usually more direct. Be on the look out and have answers that are clever, witty and intelligent for when she asks the following,
• She asks you personal questions
• She asks “are you good with women” or “do you get a lot of girls”
• She assumes details about your life
• She asks your name
• She asks what do you do
• She asks for your name
• She restarts the conversation if you stop talking
• She talks a lot
• She agrees with you to create good rapport
• She keeps teasing you
• She giggles at things you say
• She laughs at all of your jokes
• She gives you a compliment
• She asks if you have a girlfriend
• She avoids talking about any boyfriends or male friends
• She buys you a drink
• She sexualizes the conversations when you are talking
• She wants to make you the topic of the conversation
• She wants to stay with you
Indicators of interest can also vary from one girl to another, culturally and in different social context. While they do indeed reveal her level of interest, it does not mean she is not interested if she does these differently.
IOIs can be a great tool for you and her to show and receive interest in a subtle way, but it’s your job to read them correctly and use them correctly. More importantly, you have to know how to react to those IOIs, if she asks “What’s your name?”, and you say “Jim”, it’s not necessarily the best response, you need to have something ready that engages her and makes you more mysterious.
Don’t fall into the frame of answering things formally. Know how to use these IOIs to get more IOIs and show appreciation when she goes out of her way, but not too much by rolling off.
On the flipside of the coin, there IODs, which are Indicators of Disinterest, these indicators both men and women use to showcase their disinterest in the other person.
Some of these can be:
• Avoiding eye contact
• Avoiding touch, showing discomfort
• She seems irritated
• She doesn’t engage in conversations you initiate
• She doesn’t look at you
• She gives “oh” “uhm” “I see” “good for you” responses
• She keeps mentioning her boyfriend
• She doesn’t allow you to open
These IODs can also vary from a girl to another, and it doesn’t mean you can’t recover from them, they can simply be current IODs. On a good note, you can actually use partial IODs or negs to interest her, believe it or not, girls engage more when you neg them and engage more when you don’t show interest. You can use disqualification which can be seen from her as an IOD.
Indicators of interest are one of the most foundational techniques and pillars of social interaction dynamics. They will let you know which phase you are in, convey aspect about your personality and success, convey how preselected you are to other women and so much more. Learn, understand and master them and you’ll do the same for communication itself.